It's been a very long time since I've posted so this could be lengthy. This semester has been extremely difficult and challenging and great and long, and yet it has flown by. I didn't know what to expect from grad school, but I can say with certainty, I wasn't quite prepared. Grad school is hard. Also French is hard. I think I imagined I'd spend most of my days at terrace cafes, lounging by the scene, reading philosophy while wearing a stripes shirt and eating a baguette. Ok maybe not that stereotypical, but at least living every night like the film Midnight in Paris where I mysteriously encountered all my favorite 1920s authors and artists. Unfortunately, I did not time travel and I spent most of my time working on my thesis inside the always hot grad lounge at NYU. I was hoping to have all this free time, to be traveling to another country every weekend, much like I did in my undergrad experience. I thought I would fully embrace France and become a forever expat, remembering when I used to live in America. But alas, I find myself longing for home and family and friends.
I invented a theory I'm naming the Disneyland Theory. When you are a kid, or an adult, there is one place you dream about living. You dream that in that place, everything is perfect and amazing all the time and you are incredibly happy. For me this place was always Paris. But, much like a child wanting to move to Disneyland, moving to your dream place is not all it's cracked up to be. Most of this semester, I got lost in the buzz and the business. I was sick of the constant strikes of transportation workers, the crowded metros, the difficult students I taught, waiting for eternity for a check. Paris had lost its magic for me. I lost sight of why I love this city. I let a lot of the difficult experiences I had with my classes and teaching really define and engulf my experience. However, I've found a trick to combat this. That's what I like to call being a forever tourist.
For so much of my time here, I wanted to blend in. I mastered wearing all black, even when it's 70 degrees out, my "depressed metro face", and reading anywhere and everywhere, including a packed metro train. But I realized lately, that this city is so much more than my own difficulties and my ideal image of the "perfect Parisian'". There is so much beauty and art in this city, everywhere you look. There is so much to do: museums, parks, ballet, plays, operas. This is why I fell in love with French and Paris. So though I'm acting like a tourist, taking millions of pictures of all the famous landmarks, and trying to capture every sunset, I am happy to love Paris again. This was an amazing experience that I know I'll always cherish. I've felt and learned and grown a lot and I will always come back to the city I love any chance I get.
Paris is always a good idea!
