"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
As much as I try to live by that quote, I have often felt inferior without my consent. I consider myself a very strong and unashamed introvert. We live in a world of selfies and self-promotion where the loudest voice wins Presidential polls. I have never been the loudest voice. I am not exactly a "look at me" kind of person. Today was my first lesson student teaching in an undergraduate class. I was very nervous beforehand, but prepared exhaustively with my teaching partner. We were each to teach 45 minutes. This did not go as planned, as per my Professor's instructions, my partner completely took over the lesson. I was very thrown off and frustrated. I felt that I was doing well and was simply not given the opportunity to teach myself. The immediate intervention made me lose confidence for the rest of the lesson and really discouraged me. My feedback was that I was "trop timide" or too shy and I needed to take up more space and exude more confidence. Saying things like "just be confident" and "just be happy" though well intentioned often do not work for me. It's like telling someone who is left handed to "just be right handed". While self-confidence is something I struggle with constantly, I will not let today's experience shape my teaching career. I am not just a shy person who maybe shouldn't teach. I do not simply need to talk louder. I am not a push over and will not let negative perhaps misguided perceptions define me. I know that I can and will become a good teacher. I have my sights set on leadership roles in schools and even governments. While I acknowledge that I always have work to do, I will not let my "timide" nature be a detriment. It was hard for me to work with another person and I am thankful to have gotten through it. I do not think I need to change my personality to be a better teacher. To all the introverts out there and everyone being told "you can't" remember you can. T Swift is right and sometimes you just need to shake it off.
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
Monday, January 25, 2016
New Perspectives and French Education
Hello all,
After an overwhelming start to the new year, I've finally gotten a fresh perspective on the semester and my work here in Paris. I was feeling very discouraged at the end of the first semester, contemplating why I chose this program, if I made the right choice, if my level of French was good enough. I thought and thought and decided to come back for the second semester with a positive attitude. Unfortunately, this positivity was short lived as I came back to lots of stressful teaching and word that I needed a tutor to improve my writing.
Teaching is a roller coaster, some days are great and some days are stressful and it feels like the day will never end. I have been having some discipline issues in my classes and even kids saying they "hate English class" and don't want to come to class. I took this very personally and thought I must be a terrible teacher. I thought there's no way I could teach at the elementary level and maybe I shouldn't be teaching at all. I decided that the only solution would be to quit teaching in order to succeed in the Masters program. I emailed my teaching internship advisor and graduate studies advisor saying I wanted to quit.
I was very discouraged in my Masters program as well because I felt like my level of French was not where it needed to be. I was told by the graduate studies coordinator and two professors that I needed a tutor to work on my "problems" in French writing. I again thought that this must be a mistake and I couldn't write and I wasn't good at French and I shouldn't be here.
But alas, I have found a very encouraging tutor who assured me that my writing is good and comprehensible and there are small problems that I can definitely work to improve. She assured me that my professors were a bit "traditionelle" in their severe manner of criticism and not to be discouraged. As for teaching, things have gotten better and I have decided to continue teaching, probably until my spring break at the end of April.
I just spoke with my teaching internship coordinator, and she reassured me that I cannot take discipline issues personally and that I am still learning how to be a teacher. She explained that in France, the system is fit to work for only kids who will be well behaved and motivated. She said that frankly, teachers do not know how to handle kids who do not "fit". She said there are also teachers who are severely strict who teach in a way and discipline in a way that make kids scared and that extreme is not a solution. She also reminded me, I am still learning how to teach and not everything is going to work well all the time.
France has a very severe and criticism based education system that is not very encouraging. It is certainly not easy to take the criticism but I am learning so much about the French education system and teaching in general. I am hoping with these new perspectives, I can continue to find each challenge as a learning opportunity.
Au revoir for now!
After an overwhelming start to the new year, I've finally gotten a fresh perspective on the semester and my work here in Paris. I was feeling very discouraged at the end of the first semester, contemplating why I chose this program, if I made the right choice, if my level of French was good enough. I thought and thought and decided to come back for the second semester with a positive attitude. Unfortunately, this positivity was short lived as I came back to lots of stressful teaching and word that I needed a tutor to improve my writing.
Teaching is a roller coaster, some days are great and some days are stressful and it feels like the day will never end. I have been having some discipline issues in my classes and even kids saying they "hate English class" and don't want to come to class. I took this very personally and thought I must be a terrible teacher. I thought there's no way I could teach at the elementary level and maybe I shouldn't be teaching at all. I decided that the only solution would be to quit teaching in order to succeed in the Masters program. I emailed my teaching internship advisor and graduate studies advisor saying I wanted to quit.
I was very discouraged in my Masters program as well because I felt like my level of French was not where it needed to be. I was told by the graduate studies coordinator and two professors that I needed a tutor to work on my "problems" in French writing. I again thought that this must be a mistake and I couldn't write and I wasn't good at French and I shouldn't be here.
But alas, I have found a very encouraging tutor who assured me that my writing is good and comprehensible and there are small problems that I can definitely work to improve. She assured me that my professors were a bit "traditionelle" in their severe manner of criticism and not to be discouraged. As for teaching, things have gotten better and I have decided to continue teaching, probably until my spring break at the end of April.
I just spoke with my teaching internship coordinator, and she reassured me that I cannot take discipline issues personally and that I am still learning how to be a teacher. She explained that in France, the system is fit to work for only kids who will be well behaved and motivated. She said that frankly, teachers do not know how to handle kids who do not "fit". She said there are also teachers who are severely strict who teach in a way and discipline in a way that make kids scared and that extreme is not a solution. She also reminded me, I am still learning how to teach and not everything is going to work well all the time.
France has a very severe and criticism based education system that is not very encouraging. It is certainly not easy to take the criticism but I am learning so much about the French education system and teaching in general. I am hoping with these new perspectives, I can continue to find each challenge as a learning opportunity.
Au revoir for now!
Thursday, January 7, 2016
Reflections and A New Year
Time flies when you're having fun! Or when you're in grad school, which is not so much fun as hard work. It also involves constantly thinking "Is this really what I want to be doing with my life?" Grad school so far is an extended existential crisis. I am so lucky to have made some great friends in my program who can commiserate and support me in this challenging process. I was very relived to finish first semester and get some much needed time home. I have enjoyed being in Paris and am still so grateful everyday to be here, even when things get hard. I am very interested and eager to continue my thesis on the influence of mistakes in language learning. I am also anxious and excited to be teaching some lessons in the undergraduate French classes at NYU Paris. I am most excited to travel more this semester with my friends, hopefully to more places I have never been. Coming back so early, two weeks before classes start, was not easy. Getting back into teaching was difficult but I am always trying to get better and learn from my peers as well as experiences, both good and bad. Living in another country is definitely more challenging than I had thought, but I love Paris and France and french and look forward to continuing to learn and improve! Happy New Year to all!
Au revoir for now!
Au revoir for now!
Monday, October 12, 2015
La vie en l'automne
Hello all!
It's been a while since I've updated so my apologies! I had quite the logistical nightmare organizing my teaching schedule, but finally I have it settled. I am now only teaching four hours a week at two different schools, one public and one private. This schedule works well as I have only one teaching assignment Thursday and am free all day Friday. This is really helpful as I have time to research for my thesis and do homework for my grad classes. We are well into the semester now and I am definitely feeling more busy. For our teaching program, we have to attend undergraduate classes at NYU to observe the professors. We have 7 total, 4 to observe specific techniques like directions, use of English in a French class, etc. and 3 general observations of many aspects of the course. Definitely a lot to juggle with teaching and other classes, but very valuable as well. Next week I will have a break from teaching as it is the French fall holiday, Toussaint. NYU also has the following week off for a fall break so I will be going to Prague with some friends in my program! I am very excited for that as I feel it is a much needed break! Last week, Devin was here and we did a ton of fun things! We went to a mass at Notre Dame, which included some peaceful protestors who had to be forcefully escorted out by security. We also visited Le Pantheon, Sainte Chapelle, La Conciergerie, the Eiffel Tour, a dinner cruise on the Seine and Arc de Triomphe. We also took a day train trip to Giverny to visit Monet's home and gardens. It was a great week full of things I loved going back to, and a few things I hadn't done before. In general, all is busy but well! I am excited for Prague and will definitely update about that!
Au revoir!
It's been a while since I've updated so my apologies! I had quite the logistical nightmare organizing my teaching schedule, but finally I have it settled. I am now only teaching four hours a week at two different schools, one public and one private. This schedule works well as I have only one teaching assignment Thursday and am free all day Friday. This is really helpful as I have time to research for my thesis and do homework for my grad classes. We are well into the semester now and I am definitely feeling more busy. For our teaching program, we have to attend undergraduate classes at NYU to observe the professors. We have 7 total, 4 to observe specific techniques like directions, use of English in a French class, etc. and 3 general observations of many aspects of the course. Definitely a lot to juggle with teaching and other classes, but very valuable as well. Next week I will have a break from teaching as it is the French fall holiday, Toussaint. NYU also has the following week off for a fall break so I will be going to Prague with some friends in my program! I am very excited for that as I feel it is a much needed break! Last week, Devin was here and we did a ton of fun things! We went to a mass at Notre Dame, which included some peaceful protestors who had to be forcefully escorted out by security. We also visited Le Pantheon, Sainte Chapelle, La Conciergerie, the Eiffel Tour, a dinner cruise on the Seine and Arc de Triomphe. We also took a day train trip to Giverny to visit Monet's home and gardens. It was a great week full of things I loved going back to, and a few things I hadn't done before. In general, all is busy but well! I am excited for Prague and will definitely update about that!
Au revoir!
Sunday, September 20, 2015
La Vie is Busy
Hello all,
A quick update for everyone about my time so far. I've now finished two weeks of classes. I have five classes all once a week. My longest day is Wednesday where I have class from 10-8 pm! But things are going well. I generally like my classes and have some really great professors. I am thinking of writing my thesis on something about the effect of or importance of mistakes in language learning. 25 pages in French, can't wait! I have a new teaching schedule starting tomorrow, so I will be working everyday but Wednesday, at three different schools! It will definitely be busy, but nice to have new groups of kids. I will update on how it all went at the end of this week! The people in my program are really great and we have been spending a lot of time together! This weekend I had some of the group over for a little get together at my apartment. It was a lot of fun, despite the stairs, and the fact that my apartment building lacks any apartment numbers. Last night, we went to an amazing light and fireworks show at Versailles. It was truly a one of a kind experience and made me fall even more in love with Versailles! Pics below! Weather is more fall like than Paris is usually in September, but I don't mind as I love fall! I am so grateful to be here and and really happy I am meeting so many cool people! Au revoir!
A quick update for everyone about my time so far. I've now finished two weeks of classes. I have five classes all once a week. My longest day is Wednesday where I have class from 10-8 pm! But things are going well. I generally like my classes and have some really great professors. I am thinking of writing my thesis on something about the effect of or importance of mistakes in language learning. 25 pages in French, can't wait! I have a new teaching schedule starting tomorrow, so I will be working everyday but Wednesday, at three different schools! It will definitely be busy, but nice to have new groups of kids. I will update on how it all went at the end of this week! The people in my program are really great and we have been spending a lot of time together! This weekend I had some of the group over for a little get together at my apartment. It was a lot of fun, despite the stairs, and the fact that my apartment building lacks any apartment numbers. Last night, we went to an amazing light and fireworks show at Versailles. It was truly a one of a kind experience and made me fall even more in love with Versailles! Pics below! Weather is more fall like than Paris is usually in September, but I don't mind as I love fall! I am so grateful to be here and and really happy I am meeting so many cool people! Au revoir!
Thursday, September 10, 2015
La Vie en Grad School
What a week it's been! I finished my first week of classes and though I'm tried and have actual homework (what? It's been a year since that), I am really excited for the year to come. I enjoyed my classes and really like my professors. I am taking a research course for my thesis which I'm oddly excited about, #nerdalert. I'm already thinking of possible topics and leaning about something involving how making mistakes in learning a language can be beneficial. My next class is a grammar and culture class with probably my favorite professor so far. The course is organized into themes and we will have various class "field trips" where we practice speaking and learn more about French and more specifically, Parisian culture. Wednesday is my longest day because I have three classes and am at the NYU center all day. In the morning, we have an hour long phonetics course focused on pronunciation. Though that sounds boring, our professor is very enthusiastic and passionate and I think I will find it more interesting than I anticipated. My next course is my teaching methods and pedagogy class. This professor is very organized and though much of what we covered is things I've learned in previous teaching courses, it will be interesting to learn more in depth about language courses. We have required observation hours where we observe some of the undergraduate French courses, which I am very excited for! My final course Wednesday night was stylistics and semantics. This professor seems very knowledgeable but I am not as interested in the topic, especially with regard to grammar. However, I think this course may be one of the most beneficial as it will greatly improve my writing in French, which will help my thesis. So classes went well! This evening, all the grad met up at a French university, Cite Universitaire, in the 14th arrondisement, where I lived last time I was in Paris. We took advantage of the 3, 25 euro dinner we got as university students, and spent the evening getting to know each other. I am in a wonderful group of people and can't wait for the next year withe them!
Au revoir!
Au revoir!
Wednesday, September 2, 2015
La Vie en Yoga
Tonight I went to my first public yoga class in a year! I went to a studio I found online while doing research about my neighborhood. The studio is in a block of buildings about a 5 minute walk from my apartment. They have easy online registration for classes, as well as an app, and student discount. I had some trouble getting into the building, as there were numerous gates and codes, but eventually, I found the space. It was a very nice, seemingly new space. At reception, I was asked to remove my shoes. Then I confirmed my registration and was shown the changing area with storage lockers. (Parisians generally do not wear workout wear out and about like we do in the states). I changed and locked up my things and nervously headed into the studio. There were two other students and the instructor. As I stretched nervously thinking, what am I doing here, two more students arrived. This was a relief as I was hoping less attention would be paid to me and my beginner skills. I have done yoga on and off the past 3 years. I started practicing more seriously when I found a wonderful YouTube teacher with 100s of free videos, and some subscription classes. I completed a 30 day power yoga series in July and have since practiced yoga in some form nearly everyday. However, I hadn't been to a real public class in over a year, and this studio was a far cry form the free 24 hour fitness yoga I was used to. We started with breathing and some "omms" and I began to wonder if this would been even too hippyish for me! (which would be pretty crazy!) But, I stuck it out and managed to make it through, and enjoy this hour long class. I don't think I've ever had such an intense workout, but I was really proud of what I was able to do. Some poses I feel like I've mastered in my home practices, and man, with the aid of the instructor, I improved on immensely. I really felt accomplished at the end of the session, but enjoyed the much needed corpse pose at the end. The class was primarily conducted in French, definitely a challenge, as I don't understand most yoga poses in their sanskrit names anyway. However, I managed to understand and watch others if I was confused. Overall, I really enjoyed the experience and plan to go back twice a week to continue to improve my practice. One last anecdote: a girl in my class put on stilettos and left the studio, pretty good Parisian image there.
Namaste!
Namaste!
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